Three songs ahve gotten me through the past couple days. Kelly Clarkson's "Since You've Been Gone", Avril Lavigne's "Nobody's Home" and Ryan Cabrera's " True". The first makes me feel better about a past event. The second is abotu my friends and how they have been making me feel, and the third is my hope for the future.

On a more positive note, I got a date to my band's Christmas formal. None of my friends like him, but I think there is more to him that meets the eye. I think he's a good guy. They didn't want me to go with him, but I am anyway. And I'm happy in my decision.

Not listening to them is probably the best thing for me. They don't listen to me. They decide to hurt me instead. And they don't see it as anything. I'm feeling really hurt because of them now...one in particular. But, I'm tired of mentioning it, and tired of arguing over it because they don't listen anyway..and if they do it seems like it goes in one ear and out the other. I don't want to start anything, so I have to just shut my mouth and hide things.

Well so much has happened. Homecoming was kinda blah. But we had a sleepover at my house...and Mike and Sarah totally hit it off. Which is very cool because I love them both, and it's about time Sarah left Luke in the past. I also went on a date, but it just didn't work out. The guy I went on a date with is in like a whole different world from me. Everyone seems to have a boyfriend or girlfriend these days, but I don't want to have a bf "just because".  I think that is a stupid reason to have a bf.

Also, I have been trying to fill out my  Senior Who's Who Page, and find my quote for the yearbook. I chose a quote by Donald Trump-"if you are going to be thinking, you might as well think big". So what does everyone think about that quote? Good? Bad? Ok?  And, on top of that for Who's Who, I have been campianing for getting class inseperables with my best friend Ash of 12 years. But if we do win, it's like an empty victory, because we used to be a trio with a girl named Rachel. She was around my whole life, and as we got older, I guess things just fell apart. I see her in school, and I can't help but wonder how her life is going, if she's happy, if she's ok. Being her friend for 12 years feels like a dream, and I kinda miss her.

Today I have a football game against Eastside. I don't want to go because it's a bad town. O well. And I'm still out of the show, because we do a new show every two weeks, and we are reusing the show we did at homecoming which I was out of because I was sick. But, I'm back in the drills for next week. Yay :-) Then after that I am running to the mall with Jen to get Kristen a birthday present. Tonight she is having a costume party for her Sweet 16, and I need to get her something. I also need to dig up my Raggedy Ann costume.

Oh,  and on a final note...Starbucks now has a PUMPKIN FRAPPUCINO and PUMPKIN CHEESKECAKE. So GOOD! Go try some!

THE STUDENT NURSE'S PRAYER

Lord: I know we go through this every day but please give me the knowledge as to why I actually wanted to go to nursing school. Lord, give me the strength to make it through those boring three hour lectures without falling asleep. Lord, please give me the patience to make it through twelve hour clinicals with instructors that can't just give you the right answer and on the same note, give the nurses the ability to remember what it was like to be a student and give us just a little more respect. Lord, give me the endurance to read all the assigned readings and be able to remember it when I am taking a test with four right answers. Lord, give my family and friends the ability to realize I really am on the edge of insanity. Finally, Lord, give me the vision to see that one day I will be a real nurse and I will never have to wear this ugly uniform again.

While I was sitting home bored today(sometime in between sleeping all day) I was looking at some sites and found this. I thought it was cute so I decided to post it...I also thought...O dear Lord what am I getting myself into? lol Though, I'm sure I'll love every minute of it. I also decided on where I am definatly applying to for college. I came up with  Villanova, University of Delaware, Fairfield University, University of Connecticut, and Ramapo College as my final desicions. I printed out the applications today, so I can start filling them out and get it all done with. I have so much stuff I need to catch up on since I am so behind in my assignments. BUT, the good news is...it's not mono! Yay! I beat the system (no thanks to my past 2 bf's who have had it). All my doctor says is it's probably just a virus and thats I  should stay home and rest , and all that other stuff they say. So, technically I could stay home tomorrow, and I should to rest more(since I'm still a little tired) but I probably won't. I have a very hectic schedule, and there's just so much to do that I can't keep ignoring it. All this running around is probably why I'm sick in the first place lol. O well. I couldn't imagine not being busy. So with that said, I should go catch up on my work now.

I am sick. Last night I came hoem from band went to bed and was in and out of consciousness all night. Today(agaisnt better judgement )I went to the Renn Faire. It was ok...but I didn't feel good. I was so tired and so hot and blah. But I went to a psychic...a different one from usual. I didn't like her as much as my other one but she told me I'm heartbroken and I'm also in the transition to "becoming a lady" being that I'm a senior and soon I'll be off on my own. I dunno she didn't say much stuff that I didn't already know. But right now I'm tired as hell so I think I'll spend my whole night sleeping. I just hope this isn't mono...

Ugh. I don't feel good right now. A lot of my friends haven't been feeling well either. And on top of that someone hit my car today :-(. I was parked at school and someone hit the back of my car. I didn't see it, but there was a witness who waited around to tell me he saw it happen. He got the license plate of the car too(cuz teh other car drove off-people have some nerve). But there honestly should be more nice people like the guy who witnesed it and waited for me. I give him credit-and I thanked him so much. So, my cousin who is a police officer is investigating it for me, so hopefully I will find the name of teh person who hit my car so they can pay for the paint job that I now need.

I also have been stressed out about college. It all seems so overwhelming. Right now I'm typing up an activity sheet so I can give them to the teachers who I want to write my recommendations. I also only have one college I want to go to, Villanova, and I have no clue about any others. I need to decide soon though-so if anyone knows of any really good schools with bursing as a major(on teh east coast!) PLEASE help! lol I am ready to pick them out of a hat-that is how desperate I am.

Further then that, I am now involved in unessesary piccolo drama in my band because I am a rank sergeant and it's my job to run teh section smoothly. I just wish one of teh other rank sergeants was not so power hungry, because it is causing so many problems. So tomorrow I am holding a meeting to talk it all out. If worse comes to worse I will switch teh ranks around which I don't want to do. Wish me well- I have a very catty section. lol

I has my "last first hoem game" on Saturday. It was really raining in teh mornign so our 7;45 AM practice at the stadium was cancelled which made em really happy. But, I was up at 6:30 calling my rank to tell them that practice was cancelled. I never sleep lol. The game was on, and out football team did a pretty good job, even though we lost. But their hearts were in it and they fought right till teh end, so I'm proud of them. Our pregame and half time was a different story. Everyone said we did pretty good,and they congratulated us on a great opener, but in my heart I knew we didn't do as well as we should have. So I was disappointed.

But anyway, right after that I ran home to get ready for a madrigals gig at this really fancy schmancy mansion. It was a fundraiser for Habitat for Humanity, and it was really really nice there. We sang great so I was happy, because it made me feel better about the band performance in teh morning. Plus I got to chill out on teh bus with Jen and Sarah for 40 minutes, flirt with Sam like usual(shame on me) lol, and see a really amazing mansion. Sounds good to me. So then after that I went and got toilet paper(it's senior tradition to toilet paper teh freshmen's houses after the first game) and then went to teh band bash.

The band bash was horrible, and I saw way to many people making out that I didn't want to see. Some people just gross me out, so I sat in a corner with Ash and Matt(who surprisingly I have been talking to though God knows why) to escape all the gross people who should have gotten a room and spared my eyesight. So after that I went to Pat's house with the rest of the seniors to prepare for toilet papering. It was an interesting night with way to many details lol. Band is Life baby! But I got home at 5:30, slept for three hours and then got up to go to an open house for Nursing students at Villanova.

I love Villanova. I have been there twice and I already feel it's my home. And, the more I go the more in love I fall with it, so I am praying I get accepted there. Right now, it's the only college I am serious about, and I really don't know where else to apply, and I'm running out of time to choose. Eek. So I had a long and tiring weekend, but it was so much fun. :-) And, now it's time for bed because I am exhasted!

I  feel so tired lately. I really do...and I'm not really doing well in Pre-Calc. I would drop it  but that would mean I would have to drop Physics too...which I don't want to do. I just hope I can make it through this year. I am tired...I don't want to work in school, and band and other extracurricular activities take up all my time. Plus I have night classes. I am never home and it's exhausting. But, it really makes you appreciate those days where you can just sit back and chill. I can't wait until I get one of those days. I hope it's soon.

Yesterday was September 11. I didn't have the chance to post, but I would like to take the oppurtunity to do it now. Yesterday I had band all day, and throughtout the day we had two moments of silence which I thought was only right. Then later on we sang at Lambert Castle(which has the most amazing view of the New York skyline). So I saw the two lights that they put up in the exact spot every year as a memorial to those who lost their lives.  For anyone who has never had  a chance to see them, I found a painting of it at this site http://store.yahoo.com/mcmahanphoto/pos911me mtri.html" title="http://store.yahoo.com/mcmahanphoto/pos911me mtri.html" target="_blank"http://store.yahoo.com/mcmaha...

To see it in person though, is a whole other story. But anyway, the ceremony we went to had many speakers, but in all honesty, my favorite speaker was Lila Lipscomb, a mother who lost her son in Iraq. This woman had such a heartbreaking story, that when she told it, it gave me chills and almost brought me to tears more then once. No parent should have to go through losing their child, and my heart goes out to this woman. I have an article about her, but I still feel that hearing her in person hit home a lot more then this article did. http://www.sptimes.com/2004/07/19/Worldandna tion/The_accidental_activ i.shtml" title="http://www.sptimes.com/2004/07/19/Worldandna tion/The_accidental_activ i.shtml" target="_blank"http://www.sptimes.com/2004/0...

It also made me think about my brother Vinay, who is currently serving in the army. he hasn't been sent to Iraq yet, but the possibility is always there. I miss him and I love him, and I can't wait to see him again.

But to all those firemen, policemen, Emt workers, families who lost someone, and any other heros, God Bless You. Your courage and strength will always be in my mind, and I thank you greatly for it.

Ok Ok lol. I will tell all of you my plans for tomorrow. I am going to the American Idol concert in PA with one of my best friends, Jen. I am soo excited! Teh concert is two hours away, and being that we are both 17, we are going to hire a chauffer to take us, because we both would feel more comfortable with that. It's a long drive, but it will be a fun one. Besides, I will probably be so tired and excited about teh concert I won't be able to concentrate on driving. It's been a long time since I have been to a concert, and the seats I got are absolutely amazing(VIP section!) Originally the tickets were for Matt's birthday because I thought it would make one of the best b-day presents he had ever gotten. I tried to please him, but due to rocky times, he won't be coming with me.

Also, I am staying home from school tomorrow to clean and also relax before the concert. My grandparents, aunt, uncle, and cousin are coming up from Florida for my cousin's wife's baby shower(what a mouthful!), and also because the hurricanes have not treated them very well. My grandparents house is pretty much destroyed, so chances are they will stay with us for a while...which is nice. They can come to see my band in the football games and I can spend time with them. I'm also really happy about my cousin Jaime coming up because I feel like I can really relate to her. And my Aunt Gayle is great too...she cracks me up. So it is kind of a bittersweet stay full of goods and bads, but at least I will see them.

And on a final note, this is my blog. It is my diary, which I choose to share with the world. Posts like last night are out of anger and hurt, and though I may receive consequences for posting such thoughts, I do not regret it because this is my place to vent. I do not consider myself a bad person for doing so because I cannot help how I feel. So if you choose to read this, you are entitled to form you own opinion of me, whether good or bad, but remember that no one is perfect, especially me, and before you critique, think of your own flaws before judging ones of another.

Thanks to all  the people who have been commenting...these mean a lot to me, and I love to hear what you have to say! And if you comment it's pretty likely that you will get a response from me here or on your own blog.

~ Sara ~

School has started. I never thought I'd make it to senior year. All my teachers are pretty good, but I might have to get my scheduled changed because I want to internship at St. Joseph's Hospital. Yay for starting my career up lol. Today was kinda crappy...I woke up 6:45 and my first class was at 7...i BARELY made it. But all day I was mostly worrying about the internship. Now my mind is on a certain guy who can kiss my ass for everythign he's ever done to me. In fact...one particular artist sums up a lot of what I feel. Yay for Jessica Andrews. Pretty soon I migh go back to school and audition for madrigals...we'll see.

Whatever

I used to take you at face value
You spoke, I listened and the only thing missing was the truth
Yeah, promises, promises
Lines as honest as a three dollar bill
You talk the talk
But you don't walk the walk and I've had my fill
Going on like this is so absurd
I'm sick of these words, words, words

You say yes, you say no
You say come, you say go
You change just like the weather
First you're up, then you're down
Say you can't hang around
Then you promise me forever
Whatever

Save your breath, I'm tuning you out
Nothing I need to hear gonna plug up my ears
And sing real loud
la, la, la, la, la, la
Baby talk if you want, I don't care anymore
I'm past the breaking point
So I'm blowing this joint, yeah, I'm out the door
I used to take it all so personally
Now it sounds the same to me

You say yes, you say no
You say come, you say go
You change just like the weather
First you're up, then you're down
Say you can't hang around
Then you promise me forever
Whatever

I used to take it all so personally
Now it sounds the same to me
You say yes, you say no
You say come, you say go
You change just like the weather
First you're up, then you're down
Say you can't hang around
Then you promise me forever
Whatever.

Unbreakable Heart 

An empty house, a broken fairy tale
A hollow girl with empty arms
From an angel's tears God made the stars
Why can't He make me an unbreakable heart

In my blue world, you shone like Heaven's fire
And left me cryin' in the dark
How could anyone be so hard
Did you think I had an unbreakable heart

I suppose I should know
Sometimes love just comes and goes
But I believed, foolish me
We'd go on and on

One day, someone will come to you
And rock you tightly in her arms
Please remember this, when you drop your guard
Nobody has an unbreakable heart

From an angel's wings to a fallen star
God makes everything but unbreakable hearts

1. My full name is Sara Elizabeth Woodruff.

2. My parents picked out my name right after I was born because of the song "Sara" which happened to be playing on teh radio during my delivery.

3. I was almost born in a wheelchair at Hackensack Hospital.

4. My first word was Moo.

5. The Wizard of Oz was my favorite movie when I was little, and still is one of my favorites.

6. I have been collecting Barbies since I was little, and because of it my parent's nickname for me was Barbie(and I'm blonde too :-) )

7. My Mom has also called me Sara Girl for as long as I can remember.

8. I love the show Boy Meets World.

9. Nine is my favorite number.

10. August 9th is my birthday.

11. No guy has ever asked me out or broken up with me in person.

12. My friends call me Sari, Sar, or Blonde

13. I love singing and I sing all the time, even in the shower.

14. I dance when no one is watching.

15. I love Disney and the last time I went there I acted like a little four year old.

16. I have performed at epcot.

17. I tend to get insecure.

18. I also tend to get mood swings.

19. I have two men who I love and mean the world to me(and their names rhyme haha)

20. I have had my best friend Ash for 12 years.

21. My other best friends are Lyn Jen Carolyn and Anna, who I haven't known for as long but they are just as important and I love them too.

22. My grandmother is one of my best friends and I tell her almost everything

23. I have always wanted a gay guy for a best friend.

24. I love reality t.v.

25. I love the Princess Diary movies.

26. My Grandma has already picked out my future husband for me.

27. I would love to be a princess.

28. I passed my road test the first time.

29. I am mostly German and Slovak but I embrace my Irish side the most.

30. I discovered there was no such thing as Santa Claus after I caught my parents putting presents under the tree.

31. I love my dog.

32. I am Episcopalian and proud of it.

33. The rest of my family is Catholic.

34. I have two sisters-Robyn and Samantha.

35. Twins run in my family and anre born every other generation. My Mom is a fraternal twin so I have a good chance of having twins one day.

36. I am said to remsemble my grandfather, but I have never got to know him because he died when I was little.

37. When I was born, my two Grandma's said I was cursed with the Irish Temper and the German stubborness.

38. They were right.

39. I have all five of my future children's names picked out.

40. I want to become a nurse midwife.

41. Villanova is my dream college.

42. I listen to all types of music-I don't have a favorite type.

43. I'm a romantic.

44. I played softball from t-ball all the way up to Clifton High's freshman team.

45. I quit softball because I hated the stuck of people on my team.

46. I decided to join the musical my sophmore year thanks to Pat :-)

47. Because of that, I have found my confidance in singing and am now a part of my school's Chorus and Madrigals.

48. I play flute and I'm a proud band fag.

49. My favorite subject has always been English because I lve to read.

50. I also love Psychology and got a 5 on the Advanced Placement test I took for it.

51. I work as a teacher at St. Andrew's School during the summer.

52. My favorite clothes store is Aeropostale.

53. I LOVE shopping.

54. I once worked at an animal shelter.

55. I don't like to eat meat.

56. However, I eat chicken -and also a lot of pasta.

57. I am obsessed with potatoes-especially Abe's cheese fries.

58. My dream wedding rinf is a Clauddaugh ring because it symbolizes love loyalty and friendship-which are all important parts of a marriage.

59. My favorite children's book is Hop on Pop by Dr. Seuss- I read it so much when I was little that the binding broke and teh cover came off. Oops.

60. I used to take irish step dancing lessons.

61.  I love Harry Potter. I've read all the books, seen all the movies, and also read HP fanfiction.

62. I dress up and go to the Renaissance Faire every year.

63. I have never been off the east coast.

64. I would love to travel to Europe someday-especially to Ireland, England, Italy and France.

65. I have been to a psychic before.

66. I love poppyseed cake.

67. I own a Mustang and love every minute of driving in that car.

68. My first accident was when I backed up into a washing machine.

69. I always wear an ankle bracelt and a necklace(usually a cross with my birthstone in it)

70. I love Starbucks, and everytime I go there I order a caramel frappucino and a toffee almond bar.

71. I went to the same elementary school , middle school, and high school that my mother went to.

72. My favorite board games are Life, Balderdash, and Taboo.

73. My favorite colors are pink, purple, blue, and red.

74. Most of my wardrobe is pink.

75. I love roses.

76. I love to watch TLC's wedding Story and Baby Story.

77. I think stupid humor is funny.

78. I also like Dawson's Creek and sometimes, my life really resembles it.

79. I like to play Sims when I'm bored. Unfortunatly everytime I play, I kill Matt.

80. I look good in cowboy hats.

81. I love wearing 50's style dresses(yay Stepford Wife!)

82. I kept all my children's books because they have sentimental value.

83. I wear my heart on my sleeve.

84. One of my favorite places is Green Pond-my family has been going there for generations.

85. My SAT score does not show my full capability, and that worries me.

86. I sometimes feel I was born in the wrong era.

87. I used to have a "life book" which I would plan my future in.

88. I sometimes have Middle Child Syndrome.

89. I absolutely love Christmas-it makes me very happy.

90. I grew up listening to Bruce Springstein and the Beach Boys.

91. My biggest fear is being alone in life.

92. I was in a flute recital once, and I've also played for my church.

93. I go on my church's convent retreat every year-even though it it only meant for 7th and 8th graders.

94. I love white chedder cheese popcorn and can eat a whole bag if you let me.

95. I want to be loved and cherished.

96. I am really not a bitch.

97. I am very proud of being blonde.

98. When I doodle, I draw fairies.

99. Because my initials spell SEW, I thought I was destined to  be a seamstress when I was young.

100. I can't wait until I get married and have kids.

Quote of the day: Matt? Who's Matt?

Wow lol whoops...I got some great looks for that one. It was an honest mistake lol.

The last few days I've spent with Pat and Ash mostl, but also Jen and Lyn. I love mah friends. Thanks guys.

I'm not a perfect person

There's many things I wish I didn't do
But I continue learning
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A  reason to start over new
and the reason is you

I'm sorry that I hurt you
It's something I must live with everyday
And all the pain I put you through
I wish that I could take it all away
And be the one who catches all your tears
Thats why i need you to hear

I've found a resaon for me
To  change who I used to be
A reason to start over new
and the reason is You [x4]

I'm not a perfect person
I never meant to do those things to you
And so I have to say before I go
That I just want you to know

I've found a reason for me
To change who I used to be
A reason  to start over new
and the reason is you

I've found a reason to show
A side of me you didn't know
A reason for all that I do
And the reason is you